Monday Moan 15

Special End of Festivities Edition

 

 

Mad Max and Mogadon

What a brilliant party the Olympics and Paralympics has been!  Loved the sport, loved the overall atmosphere, loved weather (!), loved the inspirational performances of all the athletes, loved the superb organisation, loved the way that London in particular, and the rest of the UK (as far as I could see) have embraced it all and shown the world a side of the UK not often seen.

Of course, there has been an unwritten rule that nobody is supposed to make any comments on the things that haven’t gone well, but readers of the Moan will know that this has not stopped me from pointing out a few things that have annoyed me over the last few weeks.

So, in the spirit of calling it as I see it, I am sorry but I have to say it was just such a shame that the closing ceremony yesterday should have no connection that I could discern with the most amazing Paralympic Games apart from spaces for a few disabled performers amongst the thousands who took part.  I kept thinking ‘Why?’   We have been through all the emotions from amazement to awe at the immense achievements of people with so many different disabilities. And then we have to finish with a Mad Max pastiche, with pointless posturing from actors and some of the most mind-numbingly boring music in the world from Coldplay, the music industry's answer to insomnia.

 

What did it all cost?  What was it all about?  Why was so much of the music pre-recorded and not live?  Why Coldplay?  Why couldn’t we have something shorter and more relevant to the Games?

 

 

Where was the tension?

I have had the opportunity to attend many major sporting events in the past. Each has had its own atmosphere and has been focused on a particular sport.  Some have been more enjoyable than others.  So many things can contribute to that overall feeling – the standard of the sport, the weather, the people you are with, the atmosphere at the event. 

On any measure the Olympics and Paralympics have been different.

Most of my sporting experiences have been spent at team events, usually where I was supporting one side over the other.  Most of that has involved football, although other sports have had their moments too.

So, attending the Paralympics was a real culture shock.  Where was the constant underlying threat of physical violence between supporters, the bad language, having to fight your way into the venues past the ticket touts, hot dog stalls, and street vendors flogging t-shirts and the like, the booing of national anthems, vicious abuse of supporters of the other side, the sullen silences and refusal to acknowledge skills shown by the other side?

Instead we have had good-natured and friendly crowds, keen to applaud all the athletes and recognise both effort and achievement. People were able to walk to the stadium without fear, they did not have to worry about their safety or that of their families, they did not need to beware of pickpockets, they could watch the sports without being assaulted by bad language and snarling groups of men.  Of course, there has been patriotism by the bucket-load, with the crowds in a frenzy of support for British competitors, but this has all been within the overall context of support for all the competitors of whatever nationality.  The cheers for the international ‘stars’ were as loud as those for the British favourites.

No doubt normal service will be resumed now that the Games are over.  That’s a shame, but I realise that it is also reality.

 

 

Boris is still a clown – surely?

I am completely baffled as to how on earth Boris the Clown has been transformed in the eyes of part of the media and, it seems, the public, into Boris the National Treasure. 

 

Boris is still the same man who can be relied upon to say something inappropriate, who looks and sounds like the village-idiot far too often to be taken seriously – isn’t he?

Perhaps he’ll make an appearance at the forthcoming Conservative Party Conference and be greeted as some kind of Messiah-like figure?  He certainly seems to have been the recipient of the kind headlines and acclaim that David Cameron must have hoped might come his way. 

But how long will it take before reality asserts itself, and Boris is once again seen as a figure of fun rather than a potential future Prime Minister?  By Christmas, I’d say.

 

 

Channel 4 - consistent to the end

 

Channel  4 have had mixed reviews for their coverage.  Deserved plaudits for providing more coverage than others managed for previous Games and for trying very hard to explain the complicated arrangements for deciding which of the many categories each athlete should be in.

Unfortunately, they continued to display all the irritating things that had plagued their coverage from the start.  I could pick on almost any day from the Games to illustrate my point, but rather than repeat things I have said before let’s just look at their efforts on the day that Oscar Pistorius and the rest of the South African team won gold in the 4 x 100 metres relay.  Channel  4 showed the previous race just before 10pm.  At the end of that race we could see the relay athletes warming up in the background whilst the interviews were taking place.  Unfortunately, they  then cut away to something else and returned to show the relay half an hour later.  They showed the race as if it was live and cut back to the studio, completely missing the fact that the 2^nd and 3^rd placed teams had been disqualified.  Earlier in the day interviews with athletes after the 100 metres heats all included questions about Oscar Pistorius’s outburst earlier in the week, despite his subsequent apology – they just wouldn’t let it go. 
 

Shoddy work.

Finally, we won’t cheer everything regardless

George Osborne, Theresa May, Jeremy Hunt and Sepp Blatter were all recipients of a barrage of booing when they presented medals at the Games.  Boris Johnson, Gordon Brown and Tessa Jowell were cheered.    So the crowds were not so swept up in the general euphoria surrounding the games that they would cheer anyone and anything.  At least David Cameron had the good fortune to be presenting Ellie Simmonds with a medal, so his own boos were drowned-out by her cheers.

Monday Moan 6

Just in time

I had been assuming I'd be able to write a piece about Andy Murray and the annual mascochistic festival that is Wimbledon.  Seventy-six years and counting ......

But things started to go wrong.  First Andy Murray failed to play his role of over-hyped loser and not only kept going and made it to the final, but played some great matches along the way.  Then we were distracted and a little confused by headlines about Marray becoming the first British winner for seventy-six years ................ had I missed this momentous laying of the Fred Perry ghost?  Turned out that I hadn't but that some imposter had tried to cash in on Andy's fame by winning the doubles under an almost identical name.

Then we had the final itself and Andy Murray again failed to meet our expectations of crumbling when it mattered. Instead, he won the first set and then produced some great tennis.  He lost, of course, but then it's probable that every other tennis player who has ever appeared at Wimbledon would also have lost to Roger Federer is that form.

But, thank goodness, Andy came through in the end with what can only be described as a major 'big girl's blouse' moment. Not for him the stiff upper lip. Not for him the quiet acknowledgment that he had simply been beaten by the better man.  True, he eventually managed to utter the right words of congratulations to Federer, but his inability to avoid blubbing like a baby was either heart-rending or cringeworthy, depending on your own emotional persuasions. 

Can't imagine that kind of behaviour would have been acceptable the last time a British man was in the Final in the 1930s, when men were men and nothing could detract from the masculinity of the players ............  if you could ignore their names, that is. 'Bunny' Austin?  How did he ever allow that one to catch on? 

I'm furious ...... I think

Diamond Bob's appearance at the Treasury Select Committee last week did not go quite the way he would have hoped. That's to say, nobody seemed impressed with what he had to say or with the man himself.

Even his admission that there had been 'reprehensible behaviour' cut very little ice. Sincerity was not the most plausible interpretation of his stance.

I like the approach of Chris Addison on last week's 'Mock the Week' - something along the lines of "we are all furious about this scandal, but nobody knows why".  Precisely.  Most of us have only a vague idea about the City, the financial system, the way everything works.  But we all know bankers and people who work in the City are bad. They are out for themselves, they make huge amounts of money at our expense, they maniuplate things to help them bolster their gains - and when we get an opportunity they should be put in the stocks and we should all be allowed to throw whatever we like at them (see also Robin van Persie, below). 

That's so much easier than having to work out why manipulating interest rates so that they stay low is a bad thing for the rest of us.

Toothless Committees?

If Diamond Bob was unimpressive then so was the Treasury Select Committee.  A series of statements rather than probing questioning, set piece and rehearsed 'anger' rather than insight and pursuit of the truth.

But then why should we have expected this Committee to be any different from the rest?  These Committees are either good at self-publicity or the media (particularly the BBC) has decided to bestow upon them an importance far greater than has previously been the case.  How often these days to we find out on the 'Today' programme that a Committee of MPs has reported that ...... blah, blah, blah.  We then get to hear from the Chair of whichever Committee it might be - these days quite often Margaret Hodge (Public Accounts) or John Whittingdale (Culture Media and Sport).  Do these people fill us with a quiet, calm satisfaction that they are able to get to the bottom of whatever issue it is that they choose to investigate and that their repots will contain penetrating and vital analysis and conclusions? 

Er, no, not really.  Their reports are mainly written by the clerks and 'special advisors' they employ. The oral evidence sessions usually manage to reveal not much more than that most MPs are reasonably competent at reading aloud questions written out for them to ask. The Chairs rarely say anything more than a superficial soundbite or two and never seem to be asked any difficult questions by their interviewers. And whilst Ministers do have to respond in due course, nothing much happens beyond the Committee getting on with its next damp squib of a report.

I love you - now where's the money?

Nobody should be surprised that Robin van Persie has decided to move on from Arsenal in pursuit of more money.  But he treats everyone with contempt when he says he is going, despite his love of the club and its fans, because he disagrees with the strategy of the Manager and Board.  Why do players (or is it their agents) come up with kind of rubbish all the time? 

Conventional 'wisdom' has it that Arsenal are not prepared to invest money in proven players because of the cost of doing so , and would rather find a few promising youngsters who might develop into stars.  According to the 'logic' of this 'wisdom' any club could buy success if it had a mind to do so and the owners of Arsenal are simply being pig-headed in not following this path.

Let's leave aside questions around the imminent introduction of new rules that will (ok, should) require clubs to become financially viable. Let's ignore awkward issues like only one team can win the League even if they all spend huge amounts of money. Let's park for now any discussion of whether van Persie is anything more than a reasonable player who has had his one season of everything falling into place. Let's put aside any questions about whether he should have shown more gratitude for the support given to him by all at the club through some serious personal problems and persistent injuries.  Let's not ask whether anybody seriously doubts the ambition of a club that has followed up improving its league position to third last season by strengthening its squad since then with the addition of two proven internationals. 

Instead, let's just ask whether this isn't really just about the money.  And whilst we are thinking about that, let's ask ourselves whether wages in excess of £200,000 a week are really necessary - even for inflated and ungrateful egos.

Monday Moan 5

Life in the UK

It appears that the current citizenship test is to be revised.  Not all immigrants have to sit this test, but perhaps it’s a good job that there is no requirement for existing citizens to have to pass the test in order to be allowed to stay here?  Go on, try the practice test and see how you get on.  It’s not as easy as you might think – I’ll bet you have to guess a lot of the answers.  Of course, it doesn’t help that some of the answers in the example test appear to be wrong (see Q19, for example).

It’s so hard to prepare for the test. Have a look at the guidance provided by the Home Office on ‘what you need to know’ and see what answers you would give to the following questions that appear on page 8:-

• What do estate agents do? 
• How and where is rubbish collected?
• What is buildings and household insurance?

Apparently, the correct answers are not:-

• Lie to buyers and sellers alike, in order to boost their own profits
• In most Government departments
• A complicated system to rip off citizens

The Greatest?

For a while yesterday I thought that Spain had taken note of the criticism of their style of play and decided to play football in a more positive way. Their two goals in the first half of the Euro final against Italy were the direct result of someone actually injecting some pace into their play and running towards the opposition's goal instead of indulging in their usual mesmerising passing in the middle of the pitch.

But despite the fawning comments on the tv after the game and in the press today, I do not believe that what I witnessed was a change of heart, still less a peerless display by the best team of all time, as many commentators now suggest. Let’s remember that for most of the second half yesterday the Italians had clearly given up any hope of scoring themselves, perhaps understandably since they were a man short for most of that time and already 2-0 down. During that time the pace of the game slowed to a walk and the Spanish showed precious little inclination to take any risks. Only the introduction of substitutes sparked them into life – allied to some woeful defending by desperately tired Italians. Cue an orgasmic reaction from pundits. But wait a minute, wasn’t this the same Spanish side that bored the world with its 0-0 draw with Portugal only a few days earlier, and had struggled to do anything much in its 4 previous games in the tournament?

That they are the most difficult team in the world to beat at the moment is unarguable, their ability to keep the ball for long periods is unmatched, and when they do rouse themselves to make an incisive attack they are a joy to watch. But the greatest of all time? Not yet, in my opinion. They do not yet have the capacity to excite that the really great teams display. They might develop this, of course, but for the moment much of their play is a kind of intellectual pursuit – about as exciting as watching a chess grandmaster toy with a novice.

Bob's a Banker

Bob Diamond – what a great name, by the way – continues to occupy the CEO post at Barclays. Why? The latest disaster for the bank seems to have made no impact on the man at all.

Remember, it was Diamond Bob who told the Treasury Select Committee that ‘there was a period of remorse and apology for banks but that period now needs to be over’. It was Diamond Bob who ran the investment side of Barclays before being appointed CEO of the whole company, just at the time Government seemed to want banks to separate their investment and retail arms.

So, instead of Diamond Bob doing the decent thing, Chairman Marcus Agius (who?) is to resign. Of course, as Chairman he has to take some responsibility and he is right that this has been a reputational disaster for Barclays. I just wonder if he ever thought of staying on and rescuing the reputation of the bank by showing Diamond Bob the door? I think that might have worked.

 


The Torch

I am struggling to see the excitement in watching someone jog or walk for 300 metres or so with a giant torch that may or may not be alight. I am also confused about why they let someone devise the route when they were so obviously drunk. How else do you explain the apparently haphazard journey of the torch to London? I was in Hertford at the weekend and noticed that the torch would be passing though this coming Saturday. I then went a few miles along the road to Welwyn Garden City and saw that the torch would be there on Sunday. Now, it would take someone perhaps an hour to walk between these two places. Ah, I thought, they must be stopping overnight in Hertford and then setting off again the next day.


Wrong. I checked the route and discovered that rather than the obvious straight road from one place to the other, the torch will travel from Hertford via Bishop’s Stortford, Bury St Edmunds, Cambridge, St Ives, Bedford and Stevenage before ending up three miles down the road in Welwyn.


Perhaps the new citizenship test should require you to know the best way to go from Hertford to Welwyn?

(delayed) Monday Moan 4

Jeremy Watch

Endless excitement in the Hunt household about the brilliant part being played by South West Surrey in the Olympics success story.  Huh?  Yes, SWS has won 12.7% of all Olympic contracts (being such a well-known hotspot of manufacturing), the torch is being carried through Godalming (thanks to Jeremy’s lobbying skills) and, best of all, SWS even has an Olympic event – the Road Race will whizz through. Hopefully the riders will not be too startled by the Dorking Cockerel.

Whether to worry about the weather forecasts

OK, British people love to moan about the weather so maybe this isn’t news, but I’ve had it with the weather this year.  It’s past midsummer and I am still being tempted to put my heating on in the evenings. My Arctic duvet has not been put away yet. On Sunday we had sunshine – except for the 20 minutes I went to the shops, when it bucketed down and left the washing on the line as wet as it had been four hours earlier when it was put outside.

Isn’t it about time the Govt did something? I’m sure the last Administration would have acted by now.

Euro and out

So, England are now out of the Euros (football story, nothing to do with the economy), after a poor and mind-numbingly unadventurous display against the kings of the defensive approach on Sunday.  At least we have been spared the bleatings about how unlucky we were and how our ‘golden’ generation of footballers just needed a good leader for them to be able to rule the world (think back to South Africa 2 years ago – or any tournament in the last 10 years).  No, at least this time most people recognise that we were lucky to get away without an embarrassing scoreline against us and that we probably got further than we deserved.

That won’t stop pundits telling us what we need to do to resume our rightful place at the top table.  But stop for a minute and think what our rightful place should be, and you ought to conclude that it’s not at the top table at all.  Since we won the World Cup on home turf in 1966, England’s position in world football has been somewhere around the middle band of performers – occasionally near the top of the group, but not very often.  And that won’t change until players learn how to control the ball when it is passed to them, how to create space so that those with the ball have somebody to pass to, and how to pass the ball to such colleagues rather than aimlessly hoofing it upfield hoping that someone will be able to ‘get on the end of it’. 

Mogadon for the masses?

Talking of the Euros, I find myself in a difficult position regarding the Germans.  I remember when Man Utd were playing Bayern Munich in the Champions League final a few years ago and an ex-boss of mine, who was a Fulham supporter, said “Man Utd or the Germans, it’s a difficult decision isn’t it?”  Well no, actually I thought it was easy – Bayern got my vote without a moment’s hesitation. 

But this time it’s more difficult.  I should be supporting Spain – who play ‘beautiful’ football, where they love the ball and do wonderful things with it.  I loved it when they won the last Euros and the World Cup.  They had so much skill and even played with a striker or two.  But, but….. Am I the only one who thinks this Spanish team is now sucking the life out of games, sending opponents, crowds and tv viewers into a deep sleep with their endless pit-pat passing and no end result?  The latest stat being presented for us to admire is how many passes each side is making in a game.  The Spanish win this one every time, but isn’t that because they indulge in endless short passes back and forth without ever looking to make a run forward, or an attempt on goal? Mogadon for the masses? 

I have to say I prefer the German approach which allies supreme ball skills with something I recognise as football – exciting play designed to beat your opponents and create chances for goalmouth action.  I hope they beat the Spanish in the final – assuming both teams get there. 

Julian Assange – just too creepy?

The Julian Assange saga continues to rumble on – his court appearances and attempts to play the system resembling those of Cap’n Hook Hamza.  So many threads to this, but how about just two – didn’t he ever think what might happen once he upset so many people by his self-centred conceit that he knew better than everyone else what should and shouldn’t be considered private?  And why do we have a legal system that seems incapable of reaching a conclusion in a reasonable amount of time, preferring instead a seemingly never-ending series of appeal possibilities?

Monday Moan 2

Jubilation - what's the story

Jubilee celebrations - OK, I go with that. Not really sure why every such event has to have a big concert attached to it - all to do with our celeb culture I suppose. If we have to have one then I get the idea of major artists who have spanned much of the Queen's reign - Elton John, Tom Jones, Paul McCartney, Shirley Bassey, Peter Pan, etc. Even Lenny Henry as host, I suppose. BUT Cheryl Cole, Jessie J, will.i.am, Grace Jones ........... what on earth possessed the organisers to engage such people? An embarrassment of riches? No, just an embarrassment.

Still, at least we were spared George Michael.

And don't get me started on Fearne Cotton, Tess Daley and 'Bambi' Matt Baker .......

Swansong for the monarchy?

No Royal celebrations would be complete without some 'balancing' moan in the press somewhere (thank you this time to the Independent) about how the great British public are all being duped by the establishment and the time is coming when the anachronism that it the Royal Family will have to go. Unfortunately, serial anti-Royalist Yasmin Alibhai-Brown's argument was rather undermined by her list of 'gifted' British people who might be considered for the role of titular head of state - Joanna Lumley, Colin Firth, Jenni Murray, Carol Ann Duffy, David Beckham, Jamie Oliver and Ken Loach amongst them. At least her last nominee - Helen Mirren - has some experience in the role .........

Euro 2012

The next few weeks will be full of Euro 2012 articles - beautifully juxtaposed with the euro articles we have been seeing for the last couple of years. Based on evidence so far, it looks like Greece (sponsored by Germany) could be the first to leave the competition, having displayed no imagination and provided no excitement at all in their quest to stay in the fold. Poland look to have had stage fright in their first test and seem destined to remain in the second level of Euro powers. The biggest surprise so far has been that Italy appear to have got the jump on Spain, despite widespread predictions of Italian fragility and instability. The more fancied Spanish have so far suggested that they'll get round to some decisive action when they feel like it and not when everyone else thinks it is necessary.