Monday Moan 44

The Hodge Diary

Just a run-of-the-mill week for that consummate seeker of a headline, yes, our very own Margaret Hodge, Labour MP and Chair of the Public Accounts Committee.  See last week’s Moan for the most recent story and for links to other Moans.

Only two reports from her Committee this week – on Managing the Academies Programme and on Tax avoidance and the role of large accountancy firms.

The tax report allowed the news channels to go over again the ‘it’s not fair that they don’t pay any tax’ issues that she milked so well last year (see Moan 27) and the report itself continued with the same line, despite there being no suggestion that what those companies or their advisors are doing is illegal – they are simply reading the laws that apply and then working within them to avoid paying tax that they don’t have to pay.  In other words, doing what every individual does in regard to their own tax position.

Not content with the media opportunities that these events provided, Hodge manufactured another dose of self-publicity with her attack on Parliamentary colleagues as being lazy (that plays well with the media and voting public).

But maybe I am the one out of step with the public mood here, at least with sections of the Guardian-reading public, if the gushing article about Hodge last week by Aida Edemariam is any guide? “Every age searches, however ironically, for heroes, and in a time lacking in such old-fashioned things, Margaret Hodge, Labour MP for Barking, and, since 2010, chair of the Public Accounts Committee, has emerged as an unlikely candidate.”

 

Have I missed something?

 

 

Vanity knows no bounds

A recent study, commissioned by the Department of Health, has suggested that there is a crisis waiting to happen with procedures such as injections to plump up the skin and remove wrinkles. Part of the problem seems to be that you don’t need to be medically qualified to be able to perform such procedures.

 

A BBC report on this last week included an interview with a lady who had just had some injections in her face - “everybody where I live wants to look good” was her explanation. Hmm.   

 

And then we had the episode of Masterchef, where the contestants had to prepare a meal at the Savoy for 12 Bond girls.  The picture we have in our minds of those we have seen on screen is one we have seen preserved for all time in the films themselves.  So, one of the fascinating things in this programme was to see the differences in the ways that the ladies had aged.  Many gracefully, some resisting in subtle ways.  And then there was Britt Ekland.  The price of cosmetic surgery appears to be an unnatural look and an inability to produce much by way of facial expression.

Everybody wants to look good.

 

Is it that difficult to take your trolley back?

There appears to be an epidemic of laziness or maybe it’s just lack of consideration, when people go to the supermarket for their shopping.

You know, you pick up a trolley either from one of the many trolley collection points dotted around the car park or from the neat line of them waiting for you at the entrance to the shop.

But once you have done your shopping and emptied the contents of the trolley into your car, it seems that an increasing number of people can’t be bothered to return the trolleys to one of those collection points. Instead, they either leave them where they are or perhaps move them a short distance from their car, and then they drive off. 

Is it too much to ask that people walk a short distance to return their trolleys, so as to avoid them blocking parking spaces, or scratching the paintwork of the cars they roll into when the wind blows? 

Lazy (why should I walk that distance) or untidy (someone else can do it for me)?  You tell me.

 

Farewell to …….

… Barnet FC, as they bow out of the League following their narrow failure to beat the drop in the last game for the fourth season in a row.  Their points total of 51 is a record high for a team being relegated from this division – that’s no consolation to them at all, I am sure.  Will they return some day?  Big question for a team that has struggled to attract crowds, being in the shadow of illustrious neighbours in the shape of Arsenal, and neighbours who think they are illustrious, in the shape of Tottenham. They have also had to contend with a local Council that has been so unhelpful that next season Barnet will open their new ground in a different Borough, so a big test as to whether their supporters will stick with them.

… ‘Honest Harry’ as his QPR side are relegated from the Premiership, despite their money and the supposedly magical powers of their manager.  No doubt he’ll do his usual wheeling and dealing in the summer. Wonder how many of the highly-paid people he brought in earlier in the season will be kept on board?

… Robin van Persie who was, apparently, disappointed with the reception he received from Arsenal fans when he returned to the Emirates Stadium for the match at the weekend.  Oh really?  Did he expect the fans to overlook what they see as his disloyalty and his decision to up sticks to one of their fiercest rivals, rather than repay the club for the loyalty shown to him over countless years of personal problems and seasons where he was injured so often he barely played?  Fans don’t expect players to stay forever, but they respect class. This is why Thierry Henry will always be loved by Arsenal fans. 

Monday Moan 6

Just in time

I had been assuming I'd be able to write a piece about Andy Murray and the annual mascochistic festival that is Wimbledon.  Seventy-six years and counting ......

But things started to go wrong.  First Andy Murray failed to play his role of over-hyped loser and not only kept going and made it to the final, but played some great matches along the way.  Then we were distracted and a little confused by headlines about Marray becoming the first British winner for seventy-six years ................ had I missed this momentous laying of the Fred Perry ghost?  Turned out that I hadn't but that some imposter had tried to cash in on Andy's fame by winning the doubles under an almost identical name.

Then we had the final itself and Andy Murray again failed to meet our expectations of crumbling when it mattered. Instead, he won the first set and then produced some great tennis.  He lost, of course, but then it's probable that every other tennis player who has ever appeared at Wimbledon would also have lost to Roger Federer is that form.

But, thank goodness, Andy came through in the end with what can only be described as a major 'big girl's blouse' moment. Not for him the stiff upper lip. Not for him the quiet acknowledgment that he had simply been beaten by the better man.  True, he eventually managed to utter the right words of congratulations to Federer, but his inability to avoid blubbing like a baby was either heart-rending or cringeworthy, depending on your own emotional persuasions. 

Can't imagine that kind of behaviour would have been acceptable the last time a British man was in the Final in the 1930s, when men were men and nothing could detract from the masculinity of the players ............  if you could ignore their names, that is. 'Bunny' Austin?  How did he ever allow that one to catch on? 

I'm furious ...... I think

Diamond Bob's appearance at the Treasury Select Committee last week did not go quite the way he would have hoped. That's to say, nobody seemed impressed with what he had to say or with the man himself.

Even his admission that there had been 'reprehensible behaviour' cut very little ice. Sincerity was not the most plausible interpretation of his stance.

I like the approach of Chris Addison on last week's 'Mock the Week' - something along the lines of "we are all furious about this scandal, but nobody knows why".  Precisely.  Most of us have only a vague idea about the City, the financial system, the way everything works.  But we all know bankers and people who work in the City are bad. They are out for themselves, they make huge amounts of money at our expense, they maniuplate things to help them bolster their gains - and when we get an opportunity they should be put in the stocks and we should all be allowed to throw whatever we like at them (see also Robin van Persie, below). 

That's so much easier than having to work out why manipulating interest rates so that they stay low is a bad thing for the rest of us.

Toothless Committees?

If Diamond Bob was unimpressive then so was the Treasury Select Committee.  A series of statements rather than probing questioning, set piece and rehearsed 'anger' rather than insight and pursuit of the truth.

But then why should we have expected this Committee to be any different from the rest?  These Committees are either good at self-publicity or the media (particularly the BBC) has decided to bestow upon them an importance far greater than has previously been the case.  How often these days to we find out on the 'Today' programme that a Committee of MPs has reported that ...... blah, blah, blah.  We then get to hear from the Chair of whichever Committee it might be - these days quite often Margaret Hodge (Public Accounts) or John Whittingdale (Culture Media and Sport).  Do these people fill us with a quiet, calm satisfaction that they are able to get to the bottom of whatever issue it is that they choose to investigate and that their repots will contain penetrating and vital analysis and conclusions? 

Er, no, not really.  Their reports are mainly written by the clerks and 'special advisors' they employ. The oral evidence sessions usually manage to reveal not much more than that most MPs are reasonably competent at reading aloud questions written out for them to ask. The Chairs rarely say anything more than a superficial soundbite or two and never seem to be asked any difficult questions by their interviewers. And whilst Ministers do have to respond in due course, nothing much happens beyond the Committee getting on with its next damp squib of a report.

I love you - now where's the money?

Nobody should be surprised that Robin van Persie has decided to move on from Arsenal in pursuit of more money.  But he treats everyone with contempt when he says he is going, despite his love of the club and its fans, because he disagrees with the strategy of the Manager and Board.  Why do players (or is it their agents) come up with kind of rubbish all the time? 

Conventional 'wisdom' has it that Arsenal are not prepared to invest money in proven players because of the cost of doing so , and would rather find a few promising youngsters who might develop into stars.  According to the 'logic' of this 'wisdom' any club could buy success if it had a mind to do so and the owners of Arsenal are simply being pig-headed in not following this path.

Let's leave aside questions around the imminent introduction of new rules that will (ok, should) require clubs to become financially viable. Let's ignore awkward issues like only one team can win the League even if they all spend huge amounts of money. Let's park for now any discussion of whether van Persie is anything more than a reasonable player who has had his one season of everything falling into place. Let's put aside any questions about whether he should have shown more gratitude for the support given to him by all at the club through some serious personal problems and persistent injuries.  Let's not ask whether anybody seriously doubts the ambition of a club that has followed up improving its league position to third last season by strengthening its squad since then with the addition of two proven internationals. 

Instead, let's just ask whether this isn't really just about the money.  And whilst we are thinking about that, let's ask ourselves whether wages in excess of £200,000 a week are really necessary - even for inflated and ungrateful egos.