Monday Moan 47

Loons?  What a ridiculous idea

So, Lord Feldman (apparently, Conservative Party Chairman) is supposed to have described Conservative Party activists as ‘mad, swivel-eyed loons’. The comment is alleged to have been made to journalists and concerned the Party’s kamikaze descent into madness over Europe.

For non-Conservatives this is a wonderful time, watching them get worked up over a series of issues that have been left bubbling away beneath the surface for many years.  Europe is the best example, of course, with former Ministers lining up on either side of the debate to criticise the way the Party is going.

Of course, the idea that swivel-eyed loons are the exclusive preserve of local Conservative Associations is, clearly, nonsense – according to my research into Jeremy Hunt , Michael Gove and David Mellor.

Some people are beginning to wonder whether the flames of unrest are being fanned by sections of the media more interested in a story than any balanced reporting. For example, the BBC decided to lead its main News programmes yesterday with extensive coverage of the delivery of a letter to 10 Downing Street by a group of 34 Conservative Association chairmen and former chairmen, complaining about same-sex marriage. Rather less prominence was given to the separate letter, signed by more than 100 Conservative activists, calling on the Party’s MPs to back the same-sex legislation.

I suspect Alex Salmond is behind all this.  After all, which Scot wouldn’t vote for independence from the rest of the UK once UKIP becomes the largest party in England?

Heard on the bus ……

Sometimes, just listening to other people can be as entertaining a way of spending time as reading the newspaper or listening to music. 

For example, travelling on a bus in one of our significant seats of learning at the weekend, I had the pleasure of listening to a young lady talking to two others who appeared to be her parents.  I really wasn’t eavesdropping – it was impossible not to hear her.  A loud and, in all honesty, what can only be described as one of the most irritating voices I have ever heard, forced its way into my consciousness when it was describing how the lady in question had failed to be offered a job despite the fact that she had been told she had “interviewed well”.  Nothing to do with her voice, I am sure.

Then displaying all the intelligence that she had, no doubt, brought to bear in her interview, she explained how the interview had taken place in “Bulgaria, that posh bit of London”, and wondered whether if you rode a ‘Boris-bike’ in London you were allowed to use the pavements rather than the roads.

Can’t for the life of me think why she didn’t get the job.

Arsene Wenger – Miracle Man

‘Honest’ Harry Redknapp told the Match of the Day audience last October (see Moan 20) that Arsenal were rubbish, would finish beneath Tottenham, and that it would be a miracle if Arsenal qualified for the Champions League this year.

Well, ‘Honest’ was about as right as he always is.  His prediction that Tottenham would finish above Arsenal was one he has made every year since I can remember – and it was wrong yet again. In fact, it is now so long ago since Arsenal last finished below Tottenham that you have to begin to question whether the law of averages really does exist.  When was it?  1994-95 – the same year that Blackburn Rovers were the champions and Wimbledon finished in the top half of the Premier League.  So long ago.

The debate will continue over whether Arsene Wenger can ever again turn Arsenal into serious title challengers, but in an era when money may become less of a key to success and when Manchester United have to learn to live without Alex Ferguson, you never know.

Can you read between the lines?

One of the simple pleasures of life is to enjoy the countryside and marvel at all that nature conjures up each year.  Our annual trip to enjoy the bluebells in the Ashridge Estate yesterday delivered its usual quota of awe and sheer enjoyment at the marvellous display of colour that these small flowers bring.

However, I am slightly worried that my eyesight is deteriorating.  Some of the footpaths were closed, but try as I might to read between the lines, I could not see anything on the notices about the closures that said that this did not apply to unsupervised children, or to adults who just wanted to take a ‘nice’ photograph of their companion sitting amongst the flowers.

What is it about people that they can blithely ignore rules or requests like these?  Are these the same people who think that the ban on using your mobile phone whilst driving doesn’t apply to them,  or that prohibitions on parking in a disabled bay or on a yellow line are meant for everyone else?  

Selfish and arrogant individuals, all of them. But don’t challenge them, unless you are prepared to be subjected to abuse, verbal or perhaps worse.

(Monday) Moan 45

Vintage outing

We had our kitchen refitted last week, which meant we had to eat out every night as we had no facilities at home.

 

Most days it was fine.  We didn’t want fancy food or service – just something tasty and relatively quick.  So, hats off to the various pizza-type chains who all met the criteria and managed to come up with gluten and dairy-free food that I was able to enjoy.

Our only disappointment was a trip to our local Vintage Inn.  This was a last minute decision and we were left to regret all the other options we had discarded when plumping for this one. 

 

In fact, it wasn’t that the food was not perfectly good – it was.  Being a Sunday it was a shame that they had run out of any roast options – or rather that the chef wouldn’t serve any because they had fallen below the standards he had set.  I should applaud that, I suppose. 

 

No, the problems were to do with the experience as a whole.  Let’s see, there was the man who had fallen asleep at his table, perhaps because of the very slow service, perhaps because he had had a very hard day – who knows?  Sleeping is discourteous, but snoring loudly is quite another thing!  I don’t blame his companions, who tried valiantly to rouse him on a number of occasions, and though he eventually awoke and ate his main course (cold by now) he then fell asleep again before his dessert arrived.

Then there was the fractious child, up far too late, of course, and then denied any food by the slow service.  This was compounded by the constant stream of people heading for the door to go for a smoke, and leaving that door open every time, leaving the rest of us in a draught.  We took it in turns to get up and shut the door, but rather than this sending a message to the smokers that they ought to shut it themselves, one of them decided to put the door on the latch, so that it stayed open permanently.  Fortunately, an ostentatious show of taking it off the latch and shutting it very firmly did not produce an angry response from the miscreant.

Still, at least we weren’t the customers who were sat at their table at 20.50 with a menu, but then left by the waitress until at 21.15 she came over to them to say that the kitchen was now closed.  Her offer to ask the chef if he might possibly reopen to serve them something seemed doomed to failure, and the customers knew this and just left.

 

Note to self – give this place a wide berth for a while to give them time to get their act together.

 

 

Del Boy to lead us to the promised land?

I was deeply irritated by the extensive coverage on the BBC of the upcoming local elections for a week or so before they actually happened last week.  No doubt they are obliged to cover such things, but it really did seem like a promotion for the election rather than reporting of events.

 

Then we had a screen full of Nigel Farage – so much free publicity for his eclectic bunch of potential councillors.  They are not a protest party, apparently.  No, people vote for them because they support their policies and want to see change in this country.  Yeh, right.

 

Maybe it’s Nigel’s magnetic personality and persuasive tongue that attracts people to his party?  Incidentally, I call it his party, because I challenge anybody to name any other leading light in the party – and yes, I know about Neil Hamilton, and rest my case.

 

Farage obviously works hard on his image, with so many poses of him with cigarette or pint in hand.  But what’s with the Del Boy coat and the trilby hat?  Are these really the things that will attract people to take him seriously?  It seems so, in combination with his village idiot looks and statements. 

 

In truth, he and his party are not much more sensible than the Monster Raving Loony Party – and at least they don’t take themselves too seriously.  Who could fail to support a policy of instructing the RSPCA to ensure that all meerkats come in twos, in order to enable the public to effectively compare the meerkat?  (Yes, that is a Loony policy proposal rather than a UKIP one – but I’m sure Nigel would adopt it if he thought people would go for it.)

 

 

Del Boy not on his own

For all that Nigel Farage appears to be a joke leader, he’s not alone amongst the political ‘elite’ of this country, is he? 

I mean, what’s going on when our leaders are as uninspiring a bunch as mad Boris, boring Nick, unctuous Dave, unhinged Alex and invisible Ed?

 

Add to that their supporting cast of the likes of Ed Balls, Nigel Evans, Patricia Hodge and so on, and it’s no wonder we are in a mess, is it?

 

 

Pavement artists

The local council recently decided to replace all the pavements in our street. Out with the old-fashioned paving slabs and in with the new, smooth asphalt.  No problems with that.  But the sub-contractors tasked with carrying out the work seemed to lack what you might describe as attention to detail – or perhaps the expression should be common sense? 

 

They had obviously been told to put in edging strips alongside what remains of the grass verges on the street.  So far, so good. But design was not their strong point, as the haphazard line of edging stones demonstrates.  And what are we to make of the decision to edge half of a strip of grass, but not the other?    OK, it’s not earth-shattering, but it’s visually unattractive and they have been paid some of my Council Tax to carry out this work, so I’m not happy!