Monday Moan 44

The Hodge Diary

Just a run-of-the-mill week for that consummate seeker of a headline, yes, our very own Margaret Hodge, Labour MP and Chair of the Public Accounts Committee.  See last week’s Moan for the most recent story and for links to other Moans.

Only two reports from her Committee this week – on Managing the Academies Programme and on Tax avoidance and the role of large accountancy firms.

The tax report allowed the news channels to go over again the ‘it’s not fair that they don’t pay any tax’ issues that she milked so well last year (see Moan 27) and the report itself continued with the same line, despite there being no suggestion that what those companies or their advisors are doing is illegal – they are simply reading the laws that apply and then working within them to avoid paying tax that they don’t have to pay.  In other words, doing what every individual does in regard to their own tax position.

Not content with the media opportunities that these events provided, Hodge manufactured another dose of self-publicity with her attack on Parliamentary colleagues as being lazy (that plays well with the media and voting public).

But maybe I am the one out of step with the public mood here, at least with sections of the Guardian-reading public, if the gushing article about Hodge last week by Aida Edemariam is any guide? “Every age searches, however ironically, for heroes, and in a time lacking in such old-fashioned things, Margaret Hodge, Labour MP for Barking, and, since 2010, chair of the Public Accounts Committee, has emerged as an unlikely candidate.”

 

Have I missed something?

 

 

Vanity knows no bounds

A recent study, commissioned by the Department of Health, has suggested that there is a crisis waiting to happen with procedures such as injections to plump up the skin and remove wrinkles. Part of the problem seems to be that you don’t need to be medically qualified to be able to perform such procedures.

 

A BBC report on this last week included an interview with a lady who had just had some injections in her face - “everybody where I live wants to look good” was her explanation. Hmm.   

 

And then we had the episode of Masterchef, where the contestants had to prepare a meal at the Savoy for 12 Bond girls.  The picture we have in our minds of those we have seen on screen is one we have seen preserved for all time in the films themselves.  So, one of the fascinating things in this programme was to see the differences in the ways that the ladies had aged.  Many gracefully, some resisting in subtle ways.  And then there was Britt Ekland.  The price of cosmetic surgery appears to be an unnatural look and an inability to produce much by way of facial expression.

Everybody wants to look good.

 

Is it that difficult to take your trolley back?

There appears to be an epidemic of laziness or maybe it’s just lack of consideration, when people go to the supermarket for their shopping.

You know, you pick up a trolley either from one of the many trolley collection points dotted around the car park or from the neat line of them waiting for you at the entrance to the shop.

But once you have done your shopping and emptied the contents of the trolley into your car, it seems that an increasing number of people can’t be bothered to return the trolleys to one of those collection points. Instead, they either leave them where they are or perhaps move them a short distance from their car, and then they drive off. 

Is it too much to ask that people walk a short distance to return their trolleys, so as to avoid them blocking parking spaces, or scratching the paintwork of the cars they roll into when the wind blows? 

Lazy (why should I walk that distance) or untidy (someone else can do it for me)?  You tell me.

 

Farewell to …….

… Barnet FC, as they bow out of the League following their narrow failure to beat the drop in the last game for the fourth season in a row.  Their points total of 51 is a record high for a team being relegated from this division – that’s no consolation to them at all, I am sure.  Will they return some day?  Big question for a team that has struggled to attract crowds, being in the shadow of illustrious neighbours in the shape of Arsenal, and neighbours who think they are illustrious, in the shape of Tottenham. They have also had to contend with a local Council that has been so unhelpful that next season Barnet will open their new ground in a different Borough, so a big test as to whether their supporters will stick with them.

… ‘Honest Harry’ as his QPR side are relegated from the Premiership, despite their money and the supposedly magical powers of their manager.  No doubt he’ll do his usual wheeling and dealing in the summer. Wonder how many of the highly-paid people he brought in earlier in the season will be kept on board?

… Robin van Persie who was, apparently, disappointed with the reception he received from Arsenal fans when he returned to the Emirates Stadium for the match at the weekend.  Oh really?  Did he expect the fans to overlook what they see as his disloyalty and his decision to up sticks to one of their fiercest rivals, rather than repay the club for the loyalty shown to him over countless years of personal problems and seasons where he was injured so often he barely played?  Fans don’t expect players to stay forever, but they respect class. This is why Thierry Henry will always be loved by Arsenal fans. 

Monday Moan 43

Keep up ……. or keep quiet

Watching the news the other day that instant irritant Margaret Hodge appeared on my screen.  Readers of previous editions will understand that comment (see Moans 6 and 27). My immediate thought was what on earth had her House of Commons Public Accounts Committee (PAC) found worthy of an insightful and newsworthy report?

She didn’t disappoint me.  After months of deep investigation and consideration into last summer’s London Olympic Games, the PAC had decided that there was a bit of a problem with the security arrangements, and that ticket allocations had been flawed, with too many empty seats in the first few days in the areas set aside for officials and athletes .
 
None of this is news, of course.  So I’m not quite sure why the media decided it was important enough to interview Margaret Hodge yet again.
 

No doubt those who are responsible for such things in the Olympic movement in Lausanne and the organising committee for the next Games in Rio de Janiero are even now poring over the text of the report and the tapes of Margaret Hodge’s interviews in order to take heed of her advice.

  

 

Would you invite this man to dinner?

Amidst all the interest in the antics of Luis Suarez it is easy to forget that behind the headlines is a man shaped by his background, just like the rest of us. 

Little Luis comes from a poor Uruguayan family, one of seven children, and had to move to Europe in order to earn a crust.  His career has been blighted by allegations that he dives, acts, handles the ball, racially abuses other players and, on occasions, tries to eat them. He feels alone and that the world is against him.

 

Then he discovers that they have stopped the tradition of the half time orange that has been the main sustenance available to players during a game since the beginning of time.  Is it any wonder that he decides to snack on his opponents once in a while?

 

 

A gold star for Sainsbury’s

I have had occasion to complain in these Moans about the way Sainsbury’s have thrown away perfectly good food.  So, in the spirit of telling a good story when there is one, I am pleased to say that on a visit to the ‘offending’ branch at the weekend I witnessed them reducing the price of their cakes rather than throwing them away.  Good to see.

 

No stars for Marks & Spencer though

As one store rises in my estimation another descends.

 

In Marks & Spencer at the weekend I needed to use the toilet.  Standing there and minding my own business (required behaviour if you don’t want to be misunderstood) I heard the door open, someone stand there without coming in, and some rustling of paper.  Then the door closed.

 

Turning round I realised that the sheet of paper on which they record when they have ‘inspected’ the toilets had been on the wall just inside the door and that this must have been what I had heard rustling.  OK, I was grateful for the privacy I had been granted instead of someone coming in and giving the place a thorough inspection whilst it was being used, and I assumed that whoever was supposed to do the inspection was probably standing outside and waiting for me to leave.

 

But no, I soon realised that I had imagined a far greater sense of responsibility and tact on the part of Marks & Spencer than was actually true.  Looking at the inspection sheet as I went out I saw that even though it was only 15.30, the toilets had, apparently, been inspected and found to be clean at both 16.00 and 17.00 already! 

 

I was outraged and thought I’d take a photo of the sheet on my smartphone, with my wristwatch next to it to prove the deceit of the store. Fortunately, I soon decided that taking photographs in a public toilet was not a good idea after all, so you’ll just have to take my word for it!

  

Finally, a missing person appeal

Anybody seen Ed Miliband?  Missing without trace for too long now.

(Monday) Moan 42

THATCHER'S LEGACY?

So much has been written about Margaret Thatcher that illustrates perfectly how divisive a figure she was.  I’m not going to add to that.

 

But was I impressed by the representative cross-section of British society that turned out in Trafalgar Square for a party to celebrate her demise?  Not really.  Most of my thoughts were around the rent-a-crowd nature of the protesters – usual bunch who will turn up for anything where they can claim class war credentials.  At least some of them looked old enough to have actually remembered Thatcher rather than having been told about her.

 

I don't think the divisive nature of British politics is necessarily her legacy, although it has something to do with it.  I'm sure that the general feeling that it's OK to say whatever you like about people, and that you should film it and put it on YouTube or on any of the social media is more to do with the technology of today than it is a reaction to her tenure as Prime Minister.  In fact, let's have a little bet that had this been the death of Tony Blair then much the same motley crew would have turned out for his farewell celebration.

 

 

RETURN OF GORGEOUS GEORGE

So, one good thing to come out of the Thatcher debate has been the return to our screens of that king of British politics – Gorgeous George.  He’s been missing far too long – and I love his latest stylistic reincarnation.  I wonder where he got his inspiration? Anyone remember Gilbert O’Sullivan? Or was it Prince Charles? My money is on Brad Pitt.

 

Most disappointed man of the week was probably Rod Stewart, who thought it should have been him singing 'Maggie Mae' that made it back into the charts, rather than that Judy Garland song.  

 

The rest of us could just heave a sigh of relief.

 

 

RETURN OF FOOTBALL HOOLIGANS?

Millwall fans have a reputation to live up to – you know, put one in a room and he’ll fight himself.  So, wherever they gather there is always a danger that they’ll start fighting amongst themselves if there are no other targets around.  From what I could see there were not many people involved at Wembley on Saturday, but sad, nonetheless.

 

And then we have the fighting in Newcastle city centre on Sunday.  No doubt a little upset by losing 3-0 at home to fierce rivals and fellow relegation candidates Sunderland, some Newcastle fans decided the best thing to do was to punch a police horse.  Makes sense – if you’re an idiot. 

 

I agree with the police spokesman who said they were not true Newcastle fans and that the vast majority had been well behaved.  But how did he know they were not true fans?  I reckon it was because they still had their shirts on – unlike real fans.

 

  

FROM OUR PRAGUE CORRESPONDENT

Just spent nearly a week in Prague, and apart from coming back with the Prague virus which has laid me low for a few days, I had a great time.

 

As with everywhere, there were some things to like and some you could do without.  So, we loved the Metro – simple to use, frequent trains, easy to understand fares.  But on the other hand, I didn’t know whether to applaud the consideration, or feel insulted by the implication, when a young man offered to give up his seat for me.

 

Attentive service in restaurants is always to be welcomed, but in Prague this seems to have been taken to a ridiculous level by their insistence on whisking away your plate as soon as it seems that you have finished – whether or not you have finished in some cases, and always without regard to whether or not your companions are still eating.  Take it easy please – it makes you feel unwelcome to be rushed like this.

 

We had been warned that you are supposed to use a pedestrian crossing whenever there is one within 50 metres of where you want to cross the road.  We loved the way that there was a timer counting down the seconds until the pedestrian lights were to change to green, but we were a little surprised that they then stayed green for only 7 seconds.  The less able would probably just about have got their feet onto the crossing by then!

 

I took with me some cards in Czech explaining my various food allergies.  Really useful.  All the waiters and waitresses I came across read them carefully and said they would be able to sort out appropriate food for me.  Excellent, I thought.  Not so for the first meal after our arrival, where the waitress said all the right things but then brought me a pate with pistachio nuts embedded within it – not so good for my nut allergy.  And then ice cream with my fruit for the third course – not so good for my dairy intolerance.  Fortunately, an isolated example.

 

A couple of other observations.  First, it seemed like stepping back into the Dark Ages to discover that smoking is allowed in Czech restaurants.  I had forgotten how quickly the smell gets right up your nose and clings to your clothes for days.  Second, we had a conversation about how the English anglicise everything and wondered why we do this.  Then we saw this picture in a bookshop window and realised it’s not only us!

Monday Moan 41

 

RED RAG TO A BULL?

Delegates to the NUT’s Annual Conference at the weekend were being asked to send a message to Education Secretary Michael Gove via the medium of pre-printed forms available for them to complete. 

 

According to Rita Chakrabarti, the BBC’s Education Correspondent, Michael Gove had sent the teachers a message wishing them a very successful conference.  Rita’s analysis of this message from Gove was that it was “a red rag to a bull”. 

 

Oh really?  Either her powers of analysis are lacking, or the teachers are a sensitive lot.  Let’s see what you think: –

 

Which of these statements would you consider to be a red rag to a bull?

(a)    I hope you have a very successful Conference, or

(b)   I don’t know why you are bothering with your Conference and hope you soon realise that it will be just so much hot air and a complete waste of everyone’s time.

 

 

MYTHS AND THE USE OF THE MEDIA

According to the Methodist Church's public policy adviser, Paul Morrison, the British public has "come to believe things about the poorest in our society which are just straightforwardly not true”, including that “the public believes that the major cause of poverty is laziness”.

 

Paul Morrison was featured heavily in the weekend’s coverage of the impending changes in the Government’s approach to welfare and other spending.  Morrison was the spokesperson talking about the joint report from the Baptist Union, the Methodist Church, the Church of Scotland and the United Reformed Church “The lies we tell ourselves: ending comfortable myths about poverty”.

 

The Report is an interesting contribution to the debate. Some might say a more interesting, reasoned and persuasive approach than that adopted by the Labour Party.  However, as a seasoned reader of such documents the first thing I looked for was the evidence to support Morrison’s claims that the public believed certain things, including that the poor are poor because they are lazy.  The Report itself says that “The most commonly cited cause of child poverty by churchgoers and the general public alike is that their parents don’t want to work”,  but in a quick scan of the report I couldn’t find any reference to the source of this statement, or indeed to any evidence that ‘people believe’ any of the ‘myths’ that the report sets out to explode.  Perhaps there is some evidence referenced somewhere in the report to back up this fundamental part of its narrative, but surely it should have been cited prominently?  And I hope it turns out to be a credible source, and not some shaky survey of a handful of people as they left church one rainy morning.

 

 

ROCK & ROLL - REBELLIOUSNESS OF YOUTH

The British ‘summer’ is packed with an increasing number of music festivals, mostly designed to part thousands of music fans from their cash in exchange for a couple of days of living in squalor listening in less than ideal conditions to a succession of artists they might not otherwise have chosen to hear.  Each to their own, of course.

 

The Glastonbury Festival is the king of all such festivals, pulling in huge numbers of people paying extraordinary amounts of money and generating an unbelievable amount of coverage on television and elsewhere.  But as an expression of the rebelliousness of youth (one of the founding principles of early music festivals) it falls far short of its ancestors.  Recent headline acts have included Stevie Wonder, Rolf Harris, Ray Davies, Leonard Cohen, Neil Diamond, Dame Shirley Bassey and Neil Young.  Rock and Roll it ain’t. 

 

This year (after missing a year because they couldn’t find enough portaloos because of the Olympics) they appear to have taken the ultimate step into old age with the promised appearance of the waxworks that are the Rolling Stones.  Perhaps they would have done the decent thing and renamed themselves The Zombies if that name had not already been taken.  The Zombies are actually the youngsters (Rod Argent and Colin Blunstone being only 68 rather than the almost 70 that Mick Jagger and Keith Richard have each (amazingly) amassed!

 

 

BRITISH CULTURAL TRIUMPH GETS JUST REWARD?

What an accolade for British culture - the 2012 Olympics opening ceremony has been nominated as one of six programmes to be the subject of a public vote for the Radio Times audience title at this year's Bafta Television Awards.

 

Apparently, previous winners have included ‘Celebrity Juice’ (a ‘comedy’ game show) and The Inbetweeners (an adolescent sitcom) – heady company for Danny Boyle.

 

Depressingly, Ben Preston, Editor of the Radio Times, thinks the shortlist (which also includes Strictly Come Dancing) captures a ‘sensational television year’.

 

Heaven help us.